resting at home

decided to take MC and rest at home....... been having this dry and irritation cough almost a week and failed to make it goes away.. the ever kind Family GP ask me to take 2 days off as he think i need lots of rest, most probably seeing my dark eyes ring from my recent nights duty and frequent cough at nights that disrupt my sleeps!!!

guess the Augmentin is working well as i am coughing less at night and starting to gain back my voice and not the hoarse sound anymore...... pity ones of my patient's grandson that have to listen extremely carefully during his orientation as mine voice was hoarse and soft... lucky he was a patience man...

is so truth that when one is down the the true friend and enemy will show up...... the people that truly care and simply can't wait to step over our head is showed up immediately

Thanks GOD and i simply understand that i need to see all this my myself and with my own eyes and ears

the choice is up to me

have not been writing in here for long time, guess the time was spend doing games-online.

afterall, here is the best place for me to pour out my what i wanted to say and no one know who am i!

few months ago i was been ask to take up a promotion to another ward... which i don't mind as i know i will be working under a nurse manager who don't take nonsense and only fully committed to patients care, which lots of people can't take her no-nonsense-method of work but not me..... which i quite ok with it

the plan was change and i was ask to go to another ward, ortho GW, which actually i don't really mind also as i already made up my mind to ask for out as i don't really work the best under current nurse manager... her leadership skill is not up to my previous manager and she is too emotional when come to make decisions and when she regret her decisions, scapegoats were been identified except herself!

her way of informing the transferring was really annoy me and i felt that she really can't agreed more to sent me out as i am one of her thorns in ICU and yet she need my seniority over the shifts when she or other clinician is not available...

to be honest i really love and enjoy nursing ICU patients and the complex of the condition and the personal satisfaction when patient is successfully weaned off inotropic and ventilation... felt great! is priceless achievement

i did have a few talks with the important peoples in my life regarding the decision of so called "promotion".... my mum, my best friend and my mentor

mum is more on my happiness which is most important as she have see what i been thru when i was in Resp ward and relationship broke off... her advice no point to stay on in ICU as the manager will still be there... maybe the new ward will bring more to me... never know what GOD have plan for me...

best friend suggest me take up the promotion as i deserve as i am over due for it... she also think leaving to a new place is good for myself and more can be learn than stay on in ICU... new environment might be stressful for first 6 months but after that is ok..

mentor think is good to move out and move up if i still want to stay on in nursing as everyone need to progress and life is always full of "stones" on the paths, depending me to jump over, walk beside it or change path.. is also important for me to find happiness in work too! otherwise going to work will be really misery and poison the soul!

anyway, i have make up my mind to give up the promotion and stay on ICU for the last year and after that to move out..... i don't really think can really have a year here but i just have to enjoy the days and concentrate on what i enjoy the most and don't take things for granted of what i have..

i believe with the constant quality of my works is the most important

the day that i stop caring is the day i must leave nursing

as long as i still enjoy the it, i should continue to take up different challenges in nursing including supervisory in GW and not in ICU setting

must move on

recently there have been quite lot of promotion going on and some are expected and some are not, as usual the some deserved to be promoted and some will just leaves other to wonder why is that staff got promoted and it will not end.....

of course my SNM also got promoted and this lead to internal promotion in our ward and some external promoted to our ward and someone got promoted out as some politics reason... and i know that i have been be good at reading and understanding all this politics that going on

all this years here and i know that i have been a threat to some and some see me as an obstruction to their promotion but i have not fight for it and yet i was been put down by those whom see me as a sore eye

i know some have spread lots of bad things in behind my back and again fail it again each time i shine in works

but the power of gossips is more powerful than truths sometimes

it takes times to know the truths and some don't

i am not really sure the truth about transferring me out is for the sake of certain group of patients or interest of certain group of people

i am sure GOD have plan for me, and it sometimes takes time for me to realise it but i hope i will enjoy the journey of the path

resistance to change was painful and i been thru it and i hope i won't goes thru the same painful experiences again

to be honest i really not sure what lies ahead of me

i am trying not to worry so much of the unknown as possible so that i won't waste my life away for something that may not even happen

life is not fair

life is always not fair and life is full of lots of exciting events. recently with lots of changes in management and staffing really caused lot of upsets here and there...

firstly, the promotion was good for her but with her transfer of department and upcoming new manager really is not an easy job for her nor us!

there are so many of unexpected events following the staffs..... change of wedding date, need to take wedding photos, emergency surgery, sudden stroke out, regular ALs and sudden need to transfer to another ward because of shortage of staffing......

is not stop and i really dare not think all this will end soon....

as i know it will not......... not so soon

the chronic ones are still staying on and on and faults are been picked out

is very tiring and go against the currents

some are so fed-up of it and decided to just take MCs and avoid it.... easy way out

battles are tough and really hope that i can win the war.... hoping is "we" instead of "i"

GOD,,,,,, please guide me thru it...... give the strengths and ability

two weeks AL is ending soon

Last week I went to HK on a very rushing five days tour and still have not really ready to write up the report that i need to submit by Monday!

After back to Sg and the following day need to repack again to go to Mys for visiting Grandma and All Souls Day festival. And the weather is extremely hot and humid!! Really can't stand the heat and the heat still continue till night.

Lots have happen during my AL and some are goods and some are really terrible. Do hope friend will get better. Maybe is due to the preparation of the special day that cause the incident.......

After all the rushing of here and there and finally got a chance to sit down and update my FB and i do miss out some of the greatest things in SJ!

Long bus ride home

Went to Sentosa today to attend a Nutritional Immunology talk and it was good and still wonder why so many people still don't practice the "correct" lifestyle when we have the knowledge and also knew the purpose of it..... and i am included inside that group too :(

Have not really been to Sentosa for many years and few years ago went there to attend colleague's wedding dinner and only see it from VIVO city.... everything is still under construction and it really packed as today is the beginning of school holiday and all the hotel are fully booked... is the Singapore and Malaysia school holiday season!! Somehow the so many construction going on and tourists still wandering around, kind of like Dubai.

Too been honest, the desktop is having the chronic disease and quite lots of people have advised me to change instead of repair as now day the parts are quite expensive and computer are cheap!! No matter how cheap also caused at least 2K! That not an easy money to save!! 2K can get me to another round of tour!! Holiday!!

Anyway, if i didn't get it this week then i might just have to wait till the next IT Fair?? Actually, i think tomorrow will drop by there to have a look and most probably get one. Actually quite miss the current one as long the unable-to-start-disease is not flair up!!

Do i really need a computer?? If i didn't get one need one, as well to cancel the broadband subscription as no one is surf the nets except me....
If no computer, how to do my works???

Might just get one, no need to be so high tech or latest technology like the 3D games... a laptop will do...

Need to save up some $$$ as got a few tours i wish to go!! Really did want to attend the personal-forum-session but afraid i will end up with too much $$$ spent!

After a few rounds of walking in a very much crowded shopping center, i decided to take a bus home, which take the twice amount of travelling times if i take the MRT. It was full but i still manage to get a seat for the 40minutes journey!

There is so much of flash back of times of all the bus-journeys in the pasts.......
Life still go on even i wish for a time-freeze...
I know time will not stop for me.....
The hurt will always been there.......
Is not somethings to look forward for.....
Is not somethings to talk about........
Is not somethings to hold on for too long......
I know i have let-go but there is not regret now
Everything happen for a reason

My room is still cluster = hoarding ,, according to Oprah, it will affect my life if all this cluster is not remove......
am i still unconsciously still affected by it......
i don't seem to be able to be cluster-free
same things will just keep repeat and repeat!

more like i am torturing my life...... murdering my own life

Am i so behind time??

Today attending a pre-retreat meeting and i didn't realise that i am so behind time as the role of promotion, most of the staff that attended are younger than me in years of services and many aim for high.

Be royal and hardworking is no longer an asset in an organization or personal resume, as more as "inflexible" and stupid for leading a routine working life. Guess not just our parents advices is not usefully but is no longer be value by this current trend of organization.

Work smart not work hard!

Indeed hit me hard and i don't really expect that all this is going on and i am so ignore of it!

Look early and jump out of the boiling soup fast and to an evergreen land is still safer with lots of opportunities and chances out there.

Many years ago when I know that I will be transferring to the Resp Ward and i was having nightmares and lots of things i have to struggles and looking back and it was one of the best experiences that ever happen to me!

Guess GOD have plan for me and when i stop resisting it and accept it, it was much softer and gentle.

Am i not really sure if i am following GOD plan or i have skip off from the path that HE plan for me

I know lots of times i am to blame for myself and i lacks of perseverance's and motivation to go on or even to start it

Shame on myself..........

All this dragging and non-selfless acts have cost on my own happiness...........

a lots times things we done for our own is not taken seriously and at the end of the days is all own self at loss

there is no one to blame as only me, myself and mine life!

Start to love myself and live for myself!

For the past 32years and looking back and regret is very too late!

How many more 32years more to look back???

march 2010

March is here, CNY is just official over and this year from beginning of CNY and the end of it also i am off and manage to celebrate it with my mother.

To be honest, i didn't really expect that i will be granted this CNY to be off from duty as i was not working last year too. Guess since i ask, SNM just grant it as there is equal of number of staff to run the ICU.

It was a quieter this year as my Fifth Maternal Aunt and her family was not celebrating with us, their car broke down and it cost them a huge bomb to repair it at a foreigner territory and to upset with her husband in lack of responsibility in car servicing prior of long journey.

But this year, my Fourth Maternal Uncle joined us for two days as his whole family was in KL and Alor Setar and he choose not to join them as he need a peace from his wife constant nagging on his smoking. And he does smoke really really heavy as my mother as reminder me not to upset him on the smoking and temporary lift up my banning of smoking in our house for his sake as all his family members is not in town. And yes, i did bear with his smoking.

Work have been busy and it manage to tone down just before CNY and most of us just got extra off due to the low number of patients. I seriously don't know why NeuroICU is having the alternate year of massive resign/transfer-out/non-pay-leave event again. Have been deploying staff to there every days and sometimes, two shifts in a day. And now to solve the problem, SNM is asking for transfer over there to narrow the shortage.

And i seriously think the work-politic us really powerful there and at DNA too. How can a staff who are trained in different speciality and transfer to us and our colleagues have to cover the problem created by the staff there.

And i do wonder, where did all the staff left to???? Aren't the scale is unbalance now?????

And i guess, i might be the next on line for promotion but suddenly i realised that there is a lots of "short-cuts" taken by certain group of people for promotion!! And i might end to be push back down..... hmmmm..... do i really care???

And of course the promotion and the salary is attractive and it do help in my traveling plans.

Have i reach there??

New Year 2010

new year have arrived and yes, is another new beginning and so many thing to be done and try again

most people come up with the new year resolution and try to re-do the list that not done in 2009 and is like a long term goal to achieve in a year

having goals is good and motivate one to move toward it but sometimes we must be able to handle the un-expected issues that happen now and then

life will be boring is everything on automatic mode

life can be really challenge and each time we hope that we learn to become a better person, not just to ourselves but also to our family, friends and others too

in December, i did took a short trip to Cameroon Highland and really enjoy the cool weather there but not the rains but really wish that we didn't have to wait for so many things and lots of schedules were behind time!

a checklist for 2010?

is not draft up yet

really need to clear the clutter in my room! hoarder lots of rubbish and i glad that i did watched the Oprah show and manage to get some tips, but ultimately i still need to take the first step and continue it

i need to learn to respect myself and love myself